


Memoir of Life

by 1221bookworm



Category: Crown Duel - Sherwood Smith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 18:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12487976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1221bookworm/pseuds/1221bookworm
Summary: How did Mel decide to write her memoirs?  What happened after Flauvic was turned into a tree?  A continuation of where Crown Duel left off, with plenty of Mel/Danric fluff we didn't get to see in the book.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

All too soon, I realized Vidanric’s attention was turning to the situation we were now in. With reluctance, I turned to survey the throne room once again. This time, I tried to think of the consequences of what I was seeing.   
The clear stones that were the remains of the Duke of Grunmareth. His death would have to be explained to his family, and the title would pass to his next of kin. Did that mean the title would pass to Elenet? I glanced at Vidanric, but he didn’t notice – his gave was still travelling over the shattered roof.   
I turned my attention to the guard snoring at the door. “Do you think they’ve been under that spell since my party, or more recently?” I broke the quiet tentatively. The events of late had turned my mind into a rush a thoughts and images, so that I could barely remember how many time changes ago I had left my ball.  
“Not immediately after, no.” Vidanric replied slowly. “Although perhaps the following morning.” Vidanric’s gaze returned to me, and he touched the knife mark on my neck. “Come, we should take care of this before we progress any further.”   
I followed Vidanric back to our horses, who had wandered to a nearby patch of shrubbery. If they had been frightened by the Hill Folk, their fear seemed to have disappeared as speedily as the Hill Folk themselves.   
Reaching into his saddlebag, Vidanric pulled out a canteen, following it with the spare shirt tucked inside. Before I realized what he was doing, he had torn a strip of it off the bottom, and began wetting it from the canteen.  
“Hush, Meliara,” he said soothingly, beginning to dab at my neck. He would not hear any of my protestations as he finished washing it, and then turned more strips of his shirt into a rudimentary bandage, complete with a knot at the side of my neck.   
“I’m afraid it’s not elegant,” he drawled, surveying his handiwork.   
I grimaced. “All the court ladies are snoring, so there’s no one to care about fashion,” I said, taking a swig from the proffered canteen.   
He bowed gracefully, “I’m sure the latest fashion will be be-ribboned necklaces as soon as you step foot into the next party. I myself will be studiously hunting a similar decorative adornment.”  
I recognized his acerbic humor from his letters, and realized just how often I had taken it for mockery. “Hah” I replied.  
He gave me a mock grimace of dismay at my disbelief, but I could see his attention turning toward Merindar house, hidden behind the trees. “There is still much to be done before there is peace,” he murmured to himself. It sounded like a quote.   
“Well, we best be on it, then,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. “What next?”  
“While this sleep lasts, we had better make use of it to search Merindar house. Evidence of their plans will be most helpful in the coming days, I think.”


	2. Chapter 2

We mounted our horses and after a few moments of silence, my guilt prompted me to tell Vidanric that I had known of Flauvic’s magic – and had done nothing about it.   
Vidanric shrugged it off. “First of all, magic itself is not bad. I have often wished that I could learn magic …”  
“You could get us a pair of those cloaks”: I interrupted. Vidanric smiled, and continued.  
“Flauvic was a master of keeping his motives hidden as we discovered today. I’m sure there are many today who will be wondering what piece of the puzzle they overlooked.”  
We arrived at Merindar House, then, and our conversation was minimal as we made short work of the Marquise’s papers, which contained nothing more than letters and invitations.  
Flauvic’s rooms held even less. There were few papers to speak of; we did find a stack of books that we identified as his magic books.  
“We should burn them,” I said emphatically as Vidanric leafed through the pages.  
“We need them as evidence,” he answered absently. “However, it is quite certain we do not want their secrets discovered.”   
We collected all of them, for Vidanric told me he had a locked archive for just such sensitive material. Much of Galdran’s papers were there, as a record of that particularly nasty bit of our history.   
Vidanric was visibly relieved as the key to the locked archive was tucked away. I could see exhaustion pulling at him, but instead of suggesting that we retire to our rooms – which I think we had certainly earned – he turned to me. “We will have to explain what happened here – and quickly; before the rumors begin. Do you wish me to leave your part out?”  
My immediate answer would have been yes, but then I remembered his words on ruling being a partnership, and felt instantly guilty for abandoning him. So I replied, “I want to be there with you.” Of course, I had no idea what he was planning on doing. Maybe I would regret it.   
“Let’s go find my parents; together we develop a plan.” He led the way back to the private State rooms.   
He paused with his hand on the doorknob, “Please do not feel that standing with me today is in any way indicative of your choice in futures. I will not speak of it, unless you wish it.”  
“I do want to stand with you, and I think I want to rule with you – but can that part be private – I want some time to digest it without the advice of Court busybodies.”  
“Now that, Lady Meliara, is the perfect description of the purpose of a court,” he said wryly, moving to open the door. I stopped him with a hand on his arm, and stood on my tiptoes for a quick kiss, which threatened to become much deeper.   
After a moment, we both pulled away, and I wondered if I only imagined the faint reddening of embarrassment of being so open and bold on his cheekbones.   
We entered what appeared to be a sitting room, where we found both the Prince and Princess sharing what appeared to be breakfast. I stood uncertainly at the door as Vidanric shook both of his parents awake.   
“Danric.” His mother’s voice was high and fluting even as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “What are you doing back so soon?”  
“It’s much later than you think, Mother. I will explain in just a moment. First, may I present Lady Meliara who was most influential in the events that just transpired.”  
“We are glad to have you on our side.” The prince gave a grave nod. “Though I sincerely hope there is no more need for sides?” He addressed Vidanric.  
“No, Father. It is well and truly over.”


	3. Chapter 3

Vidanric quickly sketched out the events of the previous days, promising more details at a later point. I only partially listened – I was more concerned with wondering if I could catch a nap in my wonderfully plush chair.   
My tiredness and the quiet rise and fall of voices lulled me to sleep. I’m not sure how long I slept, for when I woke, the Renselaeus family was still making plans. Instead of focusing on the conversation at hand, my mind wandered to Vidanric’s declaration that ruling begin as a partnership. Even without comprehending their words, I watched the shared responsibilities – each with their own part to play – each sliding their pieces into the puzzle of leadership. I felt overwhelmed by it all. Vidanric had trained his whole life for this. I had not. Yet, somehow, I wasn’t frightened by it, as I watched Vidanric’s hands as he demonstrated some point to his parents. I would learn from Vidanric. At this moment, I thought, I can handle this.   
How quickly events could change this surety.  
As I regained awareness of the actual situation at hand, I discovered that they had decided to gather the court in the throne room for an explanation of our new décor. Scribes would take down the story, and hopefully messengers sent with the official version would curtail, at least, any unsavory rumors.   
“What role do you wish to have in this meeting, Lady Meliara?” the Prince addressed me formally.  
“I think it right to stand with Vidanric today” – was it just my mind playing tricks, or did I detect both Prince Alareac and Princess Elestra’s eyes widening slightly at my use of Vidanric’s given name instead of his title? Perhaps even the were not as expressionless as I once believed. “It is important for everyone to know that I support the Renselaeus’ claim to the throne – I will not be starting any more arguments on that front.” Vidanric inclined his head with a small smile. “I’m not sure what help I’ll be,” I added, with a touch of nerves settling into my stomach.   
“Mute testimony can often outweigh the most bombastic speeches, in my opinion.” Vidanric was mocking my earlier lack of heroic behavior. “We will attempt to keep it short, though I do not believe the topic will disappear quickly.” I snorted at that. This was probably the story of the century. Vidanric made to rise. “However, there is much to be arranged. I must go to Elenet and explain the Duke’s death to her before she hears it at court. I suggest we both take a few moments to refresh ourselves before the upcoming ordeal.”   
I grimaced, the knot in my stomach tightening, but I rose, too, and we took our leave from the sitting room.  
Vidanric insisted on walking me back to my rooms. As we walked, we saw signs of the palace waking up, and servants scurrying about.   
“There’s going to be gossip.” I said bluntly as we passed into the Residence Wing. “I haven’t exactly been friendly to you before today.”  
Vidanric shrugged. “There will always be gossip. However, we can present it as a grand plan to determine the Merindar plot.”  
I shook my head. “I’m done with the lies. While I have no intention of sharing every detail of my private life, I could never bluff my way through a lie anyway.”  
Vidanric inclined his head. “The gossipers will be happy without any help from us.” He took my hands as we reached my suite. “I don’t believe I’ve told you, or appropriately thanked you for your assistance. My myopic attention on military maneuvers may very well have cost us dearly. Remalna owes you a debt of gratitude that can never be repaid.”  
“Well,” I replied, “it was that same military maneuvers that saved my life earlier, so I’ll not complain.”  
The corners of Vidanric’s mouth twitched upward, but never grew into a real smile, as instead he leaned in and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, allowing the moment to wash away my fears.  
Once again, I detected a faint color to his cheeks as he assured me he would send a runner to alert me when the special court meeting was held.


	4. Chapter 4

My nap in the Renselaeus sitting room left me feeling restless instead of weary, so I decided to take advantage of the relative quiet of the palace to be the only one in the baths. I dared not linger, unsure when the nobles would wake, and I felt I should go to Nee and Bran before the grand meeting.   
I didn’t linger in the baths as long as I would have liked. The fear of being discovered by other nobles with questions I couldn’t answer – and couldn’t feign matching surprise. I returned to my rooms and discovered two things: First, Mora and at least some of the kitchen staff was up for a steaming cup of listerblossom tea was waiting for me. Second, I found a letter from my Unknown – no, Vidanric – sitting on my table. I snatched it up greedily, wondering if he had written it before our headlong race to beat the Merindar’s.   
I plopped down on a cushion and began to read:

My dearest Meliara,

I am most delighted that we can continue these discussions in person, and look forward to sharing many hours debating these topics with you.

In the meantime, I have arranged for a meeting in the throne room at first green, like regular Court. I fear it will extend past the time we would normally retire, but there is nothing to be done.

Once this ordeal is over, I understand that you have a family wedding, but I trust that quieter times will follow. I will be at your disposal to serve as foil for any theories you wish to test, and I know that our shared history will provide an unending source of conversation.

While I sense the need for these letters has ceased, I will treasure them as I look forward to the future.

 

It was signed, perhaps much larger than was normally used on such correspondence: 

Vidanric

 

I couldn’t help grinning as I ran my thumb over his signature. He was romantic. I had the distinct feeling that the only purpose to this letter was to sign his name to it. I re-read it before tucking it away with the rest of his letters. I grabbed a blank sheet to send off a quick response.

 

Dear Vidanric,

I will miss your letters, but I’m so glad that it won’t be the end, but a wonderful beginning.  
Here’s to continuing in person.

Yours Truly, 

Meliara

 

I left it out, knowing that it would find its way to his hands, and making a mental note to thank Mora and the other servants for their faith – and their love, I realized. For the Renselaeus servants did love the family. Their devotion was obvious in the long hours the warriors had put in through the last several months, and in how the servants had wanted us to find out about each other. How they wanted us to connect outside the social confines of the palace. And my own family in Tlanth – for how else could he have learned of my Name Day? As much as I love my brother, Bran would forget his own birthday.   
The realization improved my outlook for the future. This showed that the Renselaeus family’s concern for the country began at home, and had been going on for years.   
I shook myself out of my thoughts. I had to go to Nee and Bran. Then I had to write to Oria – oh what I would have to tell her!


	5. Chapter 5

When I found Bran and Nee, it appeared they had both returned from the baths.  
“Mel!” Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you!” Bran scooped me into a hug. “Everyone’s all in a tizzy. Apparently, there’s some mandatory court we must attend this morning.”  
“I know.” I said, removing myself from his arms and moving to embrace Nee.  
“We were worried when you weren’t in the baths – it was unusual that so many were down there at once.” Nee’s voice was filled with concern.  
“I went down earlier,” I said reassuringly. “And, um, I know what the meeting is about, I’m not going to get started,” I said quickly as both Nee and Bran opened their mouths to ask. “But I guess you could call it good news. “Anyway, I have something I want to tell you first.” I took a deep breath. “I, um, well, I had a talk with Vidanric.”  
My usually so unobservant brother’s eyebrows shot straight up to his hairline. Nee gently smacked his arm before he could say something Bran-ish.   
I plowed on. “I think he’ll make a good king. I’m going to support him.” I almost said more, but fear of Bran blabbing it to the whole court stopped me. Better save that for Nee for later. “And I think we’ll get along better here on out.”  
“I’ll say you’re getting along better – I’ve told you should call him Danric for ages! What’s made you get over your grudge against him?”  
“I talked to him.” I said rather lamely, but Bran was too busy being glad that I was no longer going to glare at his friend.   
“Ha!” I knew you’d come around eventually, sis”  
“Maybe you should finish preparing for Court?” Nee reminded Bran gently. I knew Nee was really trying to get rid of him.  
“Oh Nee!” I exclaimed as soon as we were alone. “Do you remember the ring for my Name Day when I didn’t know who sent it?” I barely waited for her nod. “It was Vidanric. He sent it – I wonder if he knew it was my Name Day or if was just coincidence?” I didn’t even realize I spoke the last part aloud until Nee answered it.  
“Danric is very observant in that way.” Nee was smiling in a knowing way. “As I to take it that you and Vidanric are going to become a couple?”  
“Is it that obvious?”  
“Only to those who know you both. Unless you were planning on keeping it quiet?” she asked.  
“Well, gossip is the only thing guaranteed in this place, so quiet is a complete dream. He’s not going to rush me, he’s said as much”  
We were interrupted by Bran’s return, and then began to join the flow of courtiers headed to the throne room.


	6. Chapter 6

I slipped away from Nee and Bran when they joined with some of her cousins, and sought out Vidanric speaking quietly with Savona.   
Savona’s grin when he saw me was too large, and he gave me an extravagant bow. “I see that your affections have turned elsewhere, my lady. And while I myself am heartbroken at losing you, I couldn’t wish you a better replacement.”  
Vidanric’s face showed the faintest reddening at Savona’s antics, and I had a distinct feeling that a twelve year old Vidanric would have shoved Savona for such ridiculousness. Soon-to-be-King Vidanric only glowered at the offending party.   
Then it was time for Court to begin, and I found myself once again facing a room full of nobles, even if they were now known names and faces, even if I couldn’t call them friends. I shivered at the familiarity, and Savona put a hand on my arm, not in a flirtatious manner, but like an older brother reassuring me that I would be okay.   
I didn’t really listen to Vidanric’s explanation of recent events. I watched the faces of those around me. Whatever Flauvic’s lineage or personality, he had grown up among them. There was shock that the Hill Fold, who were nearly legend to most of them, would have interfered in our politics. There was also a kind of awe that Vidanric’s claim to the throne was upheld over whatever right Flauvic believed he had. This alone would prevent future uprisings as many would be intimidated by the blatant allegiance of the Hill Folk.   
Vidanric left a few moments for questions, which were numerous, and far too probing for my taste, but he handled it with his usual grace before inviting everyone to enjoy the refreshments that had been brought in while he talked.  
Small groups formed as I could just see the light of new material shining in their eyes. I stayed close to Nee, and attempted to answer as few questions as possible.   
I was glad when we finally left. I knew Vidanric stayed behind, and I felt a moment of guilt for the appearance of abandonment, but also selfishly feeling that I should take this opportunity for peace while I could take it.  
I wrote a nice long letter to Oria, and then sought out the library. I didn’t have to wait long before Vidanric came in with a stack of letters in his hand.   
He smiled. “What a pleasant surprise. I will admit I’m surprised to see you up and about – I thought you’d be sleeping off these past days. No one would blame you.”  
“I will when you do.” I answered, moving to sit opposite the writing desk. “Can I help you with anything?”  
He grimaced. “Perhaps if I knew where I wanted to start. Actually, that is a lie. I would much prefer to leave this behind and spend this time with you.”   
I felt myself reddening. “I wanted to help, not create a mutiny.”  
He smiled. “I can’t begin to express how happy I am. It is so refreshing to find the Meliara of your letters sitting before me. I don’t want to scare you away with all the dreadfully boring aspects of ruling.”  
I realized that Vidanric was putting up a defense. He was afraid of losing me because of the task of ruling. He was afraid of using my help, having an appearance of this possible partnership, and then have it disintegrate because of the change in his status.   
He moved one pile of letters closer to him. “I propose that as soon as these matters are addressed, we retire to a more comfortable location, and perhaps enjoy a hot meal together.”   
I agreed, though we decided to stay in the library alcove where fewer would disturb us. I read as I listened to Vidanric’s pen scratch away.


	7. Chapter 7

The meal was brought in just as Vidanric screwed the lid onto his ink.   
“Tell me about you.” I said as soon as I had captured his attention.   
“That’s a rather broad request.” Vidanric replied with his customary drawl.   
“Oh, well,” I realized belatedly it had sounded rather imperious. “But I don’t want to talk about everything – well, I do, but I’m not sure I’m ready for all of that yet. I mean, not the war everything.” Ugh.   
Vidanric’s smile was gentle. “I agree that it’s best we begin anew – and save those discussions for long evenings over coffee and cocoa.” His lips twitched. “Though I am still quite unsure as to where I should begin. ‘Everything’ is a rather complicated subject and I believe I would do better with a clearer set of directions.”  
He was mocking me, I realized, just as I started to protest. But not in a mean way, as I had misinterpreted on so many occasions. “Maybe you should start with all the embarrassing stories – that way Savona can’t spring them on me – probably in the middle of a waltz or something.” Somehow I had a feeling Savona was the kind of relative who stored all those stories away.   
Vidanric’s smile widened. “Ah, we are going right to the embarrassing moments – well, I will share, if only you promise to share and share alike.”   
I laughed. “Deal.”   
We lost track of time as we talked. Vidanric’s childhood was not as dull as I might have believed; he told me stories of the trouble he and Savona would get themselves into. Savona had been a wild child, taking on dares and bets for all sorts of trials, and dragging Vidanric along with him.   
“He quite enjoyed your term ‘court decoration’ for he was always nicknaming the court – in private of course. Only your brother Branaric was so bold as to create nicknames for public consumption.”  
I snorted. “Only Branaric blabs whatever is on his mind without thinking of how it might hurt or offend. I’m not sure that’s one of his better qualities.”   
Vidanric inclined his head. “Russav quickly learned that niceties would take him much further when one of the bigger boys heard Russav nicknaming his sister – and took Russav out behind the stables and beat him up for it. That was also when he finally began paying attention at sword practice.”   
I laughed, imaging the Prince and Princess attempting to reign in a reckless child and impress on him the importance of his lessons.   
“We also lost him a lot,” Vidanric admitted. “If the servants didn’t take so kindly to him, he wouldn’t have had such luck at it, but he was always sweet talking them into giving him treats and hiding him in the kitchens.” He smiled at the memory. “Though, after that, it wasn’t always bad to be friends with Russav – the cooks decided that I was much too thin compared to Russav, and would sneak me extras when Russav wasn’t looking. Then my mother would wonder why we never finished our dinners.”  
“Did she ever find out?” I asked.  
“Oh, yes, though the servants did a good job of hiding it from her – until Russav had so much that he made himself sick. She tried to make the kitchen off limits after that – which only meant it was a cat and mouse game for Russav to get back in. After that, she always knew. And scolded us too, though it never had much effect on Russav.”  
“Now she scolds Danric for not eating – what a turn of events.” Russav pushed his way through the tapestry. “I didn’t realize you were telling stories – why wasn’t I invited?” Russav feigned hurt.   
“Because this was a private gathering – and how long have you been a spyears for?” Vidanric asked, with only a hint of annoyance.  
“Only as I walked in. Life! You must think I was raised in a barn – and that was you, not me.”  
I looked at Vidanric quizzically.  
“I went away to military school for a few years. Where we did not live in the stables.” The last bit was directed at Russav.   
“I only have your word for it, so I stick to my accusation.” Russav said stubbornly. “Anyways, Aunt Elestra was wondering if you had eaten. Actually, she wanted you to go to bed, but I don’t think she will protest this.” He slapped Vidanric on the back. “I think she would be most happy about this.” He turned to face me, “She will be so pleased. I think she always wished one of us was a girl.”  
“Because then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten into so much trouble,” Vidanric muttered.  
Russav continued right over him, “She will love and spoil and coddle you to death. As well as draft you to spy on Vidanric. Honestly, he’s a grown man, and he still needs his mother to remind him of his bedtime.”   
Vidanric’s face was a bland mask. “Are you quite finished? Good.” He didn’t wait for Russav’s answer. “You can tell Mother that I have eaten, and I will stop in before I retire. I trust that completes your errand?”   
“If he ever gets to cranky for your taste, Lady Meliara, I will gladly rescue you. Just call on me and I will whisk you away.”   
I batted his hand away playfully, and after a quick wave, he let himself back out into the library proper.   
“I apologize for him,” Vidanric sighed. “I fear that he has still not learned any manners.”   
I laughed, as in court that must be a dreadful insult. “I don’t want to cause any problems for you,” I added quickly. “If your mother needs you.”   
“You aren’t any trouble at all. Though perhaps she is right. We should consider retiring. I’m quite sure Nee will keep you busy with last minute preparations – and you certainly don’t want to be falling asleep during the ceremony.” I shuttered at the thought. “For now, then.” His hands slipped around me, and I leaned into his goodnight kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

I rose what I thought was early the next morning, to find that I had still slept quite late. I found a note from Nee saying that she was going to be out in the morning, and hadn’t wanted to wake me. Of course Branaric was nowhere to be found, which was a small blessing, as I was still unsure I wanted to enlighten him to anything between me and Vidanric.   
I dressed for court, pulling out my one gown, only worn once. I contemplated having a second one made, but remember Nee telling me that the fashions would change when the new monarch was crowned, and the old gowns would be relegated to attics. I decided against it, though it did cause a fluttering in my stomach as I realized that I would not be a follower of these new fashions, but instead possibly sitting on the throne when that happened. I pushed that thought away and headed down to the throne room early.   
I stayed an observer during the discussions following the open court. I felt Vidanric’s eyes wander to me for opinions, but I did not feel it was my place to blab them out.   
He stopped me before I could leave. “You were very quiet.” His voice was concerned.  
I smiled reassuringly. “I don’t think I can come up with better solutions. I’m trying to figure out how you get from the problems to the solutions. You make it look so easy.”   
He relaxed. “I would enjoy discussing them with you in private if you prefer. It is quite intimidating. I will always value your opinion, and,” he added, “there is nothing you could come up with that could be more outlandish than what others have proposed.” I disagreed with that, but Vidanric was trying to be nice. “I have a few moments now.” He added, glancing around now that the room was nearly emptied. “Unfortunately, I am meeting with several ambassadors later, and won’t have that freedom.”   
I quickly agreed, and for convenience sake, we retired to his parents’ sitting room. They were both out, and Vidanric declared that no one would look for him there.   
“Did you always know you were training to rule the kingdom?” I asked bluntly once we were settled.   
“No, I didn’t for a very long time.” He shrugged, “Looking back, all the signs were there, though the grownups always talked about it in hushed voices. It wasn’t until my father brought me in on the planning that I realized they had been grooming me. It wasn’t the most pleasant feeling at first. Like they knew what decisions I would make before I made them. But I had realized by then that Galdran had to go, and after a while, I saw that they had years of groundwork prepared. I think they had backed off from some of their actions while Russav and I were younger, so we would be protected from retaliation. But they never stopped planning.”  
“That’s why they sent you to military school.” I said, remembering Savona’s comment from the day before.  
Vidanric inclined his head. “Yes, though it was proposed as command school, and then later to the Colendi court.” He smiled, “Though that was more to wait for my hair to grow again. The Marlovens have quite a thing against our fashion for long hair.” I tried to imagine Vidanric with short hair. It wasn’t easy. “When I returned home, my parents decided it wouldn’t do for me to come back with short hair when I was not supposed to be at a military school. They sent me away with instructions not to come back until I looked more presentable again.”  
I sincerely doubted that the conversation went exactly like that, though it was funny to think how something as silly as his hair style affected the grand plan created by his parents.   
“After that, I was a fully inducted member of the Renselaeus tradition to thwart Galdran. Pretty much everything became a calculated move to win friends or uncover enemies. We never did believe the military maneuvers would have been quite so helpful so early in our plans,” he added, saluting me with his cup of coffee. I reddened.   
“I don’t know anything about governing, commanding, and certainly not anything about the military.” I said sullenly.   
“I disagree. Firstly, you desire fairness. You examine a solution for how it affects each party, and if they will get just rewards for their efforts. Not an easy task. Secondly, you see each person for themselves. You do not allow status or rank or attempts at grandeur sway you from your evaluation of fairness. Even when it would be expedient. Thirdly, you have the courage to back your decisions. Wisdom helps no one when they are too timid to bring it to the world. Fourth, I understand that you alone handled Tlanth’s finances; before, during, and after your revolution. I was quite astounded at what your Tlanthi’s accomplished with the few monetary resources that you had. Lastly, the people love you. You have become a heroine for your actions – even if you feel that some accounts are exaggerated.” He added, holding up a finger to stop my protests. “You are honest with the people you meet, and that kind of reputation travels faster than the fastest horses. I have no doubt of the qualities of your leadership.”   
I was shocked by Vidanric’s analysis. I hadn’t considered those strengths, though, put that way, I could see what Vidanric was reaching at. To my ears though, it still sounded a bit like flattery – puffed up, with only a kernel of truth at the center.   
“Leadership at this level is different from what you are used to in Tlanth. You knew your Tlanthi’s by name. You knew who was related to whom, and who was going through a rough patch. At this level, you can only care for a handful of people in that manner. I will never be able to know everyone in the country, no matter how many tours I go on. I won’t even know all my troops anymore, something I was meticulous about with my own Blues. However, I will continue to do that with my immediate circle. They will in turn do that with their subordinates, and they will learn to do that to their own subordinates. In that way, I can only hope that my influence will continue.”  
“That’s the theory from Rising to the Top by Roy Mustang” I said, glad I had read this particular book on leadership.   
Vidanric smiled. “It is. It is the only theory of how government should work that can keep me from going insane wondering if my actions have any weight outside these walls. It’s a true story, too, you know.”  
“It’s an autobiography of the ruler of Amestris.” I replied. “He started with a few officers he trusted, and they became extremely loyal to him.”   
“Because of his concern for them. Even when he pushed them to their limits. He never forgot or abandoned any of them. They never forgot it either, and that kind of loyalty is what eventually won him the top seat.”  
“If I remember right, they had had a bad ruler before him too?” I couldn’t remember the details.   
“More or less. Mustang himself participated in a military coup that replaced a previous dictator. He didn’t take the top spot for several years, instead working on the ground to improve the lives of those most damaged by the previous king. He eventually transformed the country from a monarchy to a democracy.” Vidanric smirked before continuing, “Which then apparently left him with little to do, for it’s in that period that he wrote his autobiography.”  
“You don’t like autobiographies?” I asked. “I would think they shine a light on the time, instead of historians going in later and trying to piece it together.   
“I applaud memoirs,” Vidanric replied. “For the reasons you mentioned. I prefer that term, actually, for I feel that many who call themselves autobiographers often place their own views or importance over the historical import of the moment. They appoint themselves judge and jury of their actions. I feel that memoirs more accurately remind the writer that this is only their view of the events that took place, and not an absolute guide to the universe. And in this particular case, the author had a reputation for arrogance and an overinflated sense of his own importance.”  
I snorted. “Like historians don’t exaggerate the truth. Besides, sometimes the historians aren’t the ones there. And neither are the scribes. And the songs don’t talk about the colds.”   
“The colds?” Vidanric was puzzled.   
“Yes. The songs and ballads. They never talk about the colds.” Vidanric laughed. “The ballads must add the heroic bombasts, because the heroes and heroines are too busy to say them. They’re too busy fixing the crises without sneezing themselves right off their horses.”   
“So, fix it.”   
“What?”   
“Write your own memoir. Tell people how it really happens. Give strength to those down the road who leave their heroic bombasts at home – and do it all with a thick voice and a heavy cough.”   
I snorted into my hot chocolate. “People don’t want those stories, Vidanric. They want the heroic bombasts, and the songs and ballads.”  
“Children don’t want to take their medicine, either.”  
“So, you’re saying that …”  
“People should hear these stories. And I think they want to hear these stories. For too long, the hero has always been composed, perfect, and bombastic. It’s not truth, and no society can survive on lies for long.”   
“Ha! You’re right, but I don’t need everyone laughing at my mistakes.”  
“You don’t have to tell everyone. Just write your own memoir of what happened, and stick it on the shelf here. Then someone will find it in a generation or two, and your so-called mistakes will be lessons for those who read it.”   
I gave a half shrug, not thinking Vidanric was really serious.   
“Think about it,” Vidanric said, leaving me with a brief kiss before heading to his meeting.


	9. Chapter 9

I did think about it. Over the next rush of days as we celebrated Nee and Bran’s wedding. Over the next few weeks as Vidanric and I discussed everything that had happened. As we announced our engagement and prepared for a combination wedding and coronation. As rumors spread about how Flauvic had controlled the court, and how the Hill Folk had intervened. As mages from near and far came to wonder at the tree in our throne room.   
“I’m going to do it.” I announced to Vidanric on a rare evening we had alone together.   
“Do what?” Vidanric asked quizzically.   
“Write a memoir.”   
Vidanric grinned. “I am pleased you like the idea. I think you are a marvelous story teller. I believe you will enjoy this, and find peace in it as well.”  
“I’m not sure peace is the word for admitting all those mistakes.” I grimaced at the thought of drudging up old hurts. “You made a lot of sense though. The people – they see us as living perfect lives, in our beautiful palace. And while that is true, it’s not. We have to go through our perfect lives with colds and forget what we wanted to say. And yet there is always the opportunity for happiness – if we can only reach out and grab it. Everyone has it. No matter what their rank or station. I guess I just want to share it.” 

 

********************

 

Later that evening, I found myself alone in the library alcove, surrounded by the memoirs of past kings and queens. I pulled a blank sheet of paper toward me and began to write.


End file.
